Or I can copy and paste the ad below, but I don't know if the photos will work so you might have to use your imagination.
Here's what it says:
Let me introduce you to 'Smelly Cat'! She's a lovely stray Himalayan/Persian that we took in about a year ago. (We did give her a survey, trying to determine her age and species but she just ticked 'prefer not to answer' on every box.)
Smelly, (and yes-that IS her name, she knows her name and answers to her name), is a sweet heart! Think you might be able to offer her a home? Here's what you need to know:
She is fairly old. The vet says maybe 11 years old? When Smelly adopted us she was very thin. We suspect she was on the atkins diet-all meat, no carbs. She has now put on a few pounds and is in a healthy condition again. Like most women, she has a little bit of a self esteem issue though, so please don't mention her weight gain to her. And for god's sake don't ask her what age she is! She will just stare at you with an evil eye and then walk away in disgust.
She does have a case of cataracts but still manages to see pretty well. She only needs glasses for reading, and since she can't read it's never been a problem really. She does however need her food to be in a bright/contrasting color bowl so that she can see it. Tell her the food is low carb even if it isn't or she won't eat it.
She is a non-smoker and recently quit drinking alcohol as she no longer finds joy in the bar scene.
She does have a little bit of arthritis in her back legs/hips so unfortunately her days of Irish River Dancing are over. She loves to be petted, just not below the waist-head, shoulders and back only, not hips or back legs. It just reminds her of her dancing days and makes her sad.
There are a few..not negative but not necessarily positive, things about Smelly that I need to tell you.... For example-she has a mouth like a sailor! She knows every swear word in the book. Don't worry though, unless you're related to Dr. Dolittle no one else is likely to understand what she's saying.
Also she's old. Like most old folks she can produce a little bit of a foul aroma sometimes but heck-so do my grandparents and it never stopped me from loving them, nor has it stopped me from loving Smelly. Mostly she keeps the smell contained to the litter box but sometimes a little 'toot' will sneak out. She never admits to farting, always blames the dog, but we know it's her...mostly because we don't have a dog!
She loves baths! She loves them so much, in fact, that when you try to give her one she will growl and swear at you in her little 'cat swears' the entire time for not giving her baths more often. She might even try and escape so that she can go tell her friends how great baths are so it might take 2 people just to contain her (because of all of her excitement). However, accidentally squirt her with anything cooler than luke warm water and she will bust out a whole new set of swear words you didn't even know existed! Even in the feline language!
She gets along fine with other cats as long as they are submissive, respect their elders, are clean, well mannered and share the same hobbies as her. We do have another (boy) cat in the house and sometimes he likes to tell her that he's the dominant one and raise trouble. She tells him to MEOW OFF and that's usually the end of it. She gets along with the girl cats just fine, they seem to know their place I guess.
She does not like wearing 'cat clothes' or 'cat sweaters' and prefers the nudist lifestyle. Please don't try to make her wear those stupid sweaters, you will regret it! She is not opposed to wearing diamonds though. They have to be real, none of that cubic zirconium crap-we learned that the hard way! She didn't speak to us for days!
Her favorite designer perfume is 'Flea and Tick Prevention' by Frontline. She likes to wear it every month. If she doesn't have it on she gets 'ticked' off with you and may 'flea'. She is a lady and has standards.
Her hobbies include unknitting. That is to say you knit something and then she un-knit's it for you. It's just one of the many free services she offers. She enjoys playing occasional game of 'Call of Duty' on the Xbox, but then who doesn't. She also likes to try new drinks. She is even willing to test your morning coffee to see if it's too hot. For example: If she runs away mad it's probably too hot. If she stays and drinks every last drop then you know it was just right.
When Smelly first moved into our home she had some burdocks in her hair. She swore all the local cats were wearing them but we took her to the vet and had them shaved off anyway. She is now growing her hair long again. She does have a burdock in her tail but she likes it there and told us that we can only remove it after she'd dead, or something to that effect(with a little bit of cat swearing thrown in to get the point across). Although her hair is important to her, she does NOT like having her nails painted. She says that it makes her look cheap. She also says she's never had plastic surgery or botox but she doesn't have a single wrinkle, so who knows... A lady never tells.
One last thing to mention. Whenever possible she likes to eat her dinner out of hand made pottery. She particularly likes the items from www.etsy.com/shop/bethpiggott which just happens to be MY pottery store. If you see something you like there let me know, we can work something out.
We are asking for a $40 re-homing fee just to cover part of the expenses and vet bills we have had since she moved in.
If you think you can offer Smelly a dream home please email me asap. We live in Wilton-if you'd like to come and see her first hand we can schedule a meeting and interview (she will interview YOU, not the other way around-just so you know =D )
I have attached some photos but she does not like her photo taken, apparently she had a bad experience with the paparazzi in the past. I managed to get a couple though. In one she actually poked her tongue out at me as she looked away! In the 2nd one she's making her happy face, in the third she is making her sad face and in the forth-well, that's a face only a mother could love!
There you have it...
