Where sarcastic goats no longer roam.

It's true. The goats no longer roam here. I may have to change the title of the blog to 'Where sarcastic goats used to roam until they got to be over 100 lbs and their idea of playing was too rough to have around women and children who were likely to get trampled to death' or something to that effect.

There is quite a bizarre story behind the removal of the goats-but then isn't there always?

The boys(goats) had been growing like weeds(probably from eating all those weeds!) and had both reached well over 100lbs, as stated above. However, they seemed to be in denial of their astronomical weight gain and still thought it was ok to jump up into laps for cuddles(which were now known as full body tackles-some of which came from behind, when we were not expecting it.) You know that old saying-'It's all fun and games til someone gets a hoof in the backside.'

Brandon(who I must confess is a mere 70 lbs himself) had long been afraid of the goats.  Scott and I didn't think that much of it because, lets face it, 3 years before the boy was also afraid of a hamster and he still occasionally accuses the chickens of giving him evil looks as well.  So the boy seemed to be calling 'goat' as it were. (instead of wolf, in case you didn't get the reference).

 Then came the day where the goats wanted to play king of the hill and apparently it was my turn to be the hill.  To add insult to injury I was of course dressed to go to work and was not in the mood to have a hoof print ANYWHERE. However they were very insistant, claiming that I had been neglectful in my king of the hill duties and it was about time they got to stand on my head.  At one point I think Benny even seemed to give Billy a boost up! Did you know that goats can jump up to 5 feet? Guess who is only 5 ft 3 inches-this little hill!

So I went online to one of my favorite animal loving forums (www.backyardherds.com) to get advice.  I was told everything from 'Get a cattle prod' to 'explain to the goats why it's wrong to behave that way and how it makes you feel'.  In the end I went with 'use a squirt bottle'.

So the next time I went outside I was armed!  Good lord! You'd have thought I tasered those goats! A squirt of water to the neck and they couldn't get away fast enough. Of course it probably doesn't help that there was also vinegar in the bottle-it was the only squirt bottle I had and happened to be the vinegar and water I use to clean windows etc.  Whatever. Problem solved!

Well, one problem solved.  As it wasn't always possible to go out packing heat(vinegar and water) we decided that it was no longer ok for the goats to free range as they had been.  In addition to human bowling-running at us and knocking as many of us down in one 'go' as possible- they were jumping on cars.

It got so bad that the mailman(who delivers our mail in a car as we are in a rural area) wouldn't even stop to put the mail in the mail box-he'd just throw it out the window as he drove by. Of course, the goats thought that this was level three of what had previously been known as 'Quick, spread the newspaper all over the yard before she sees it has been delivered. Level two of said game obviously became known as 'Quick, EAT the newspaper before she knows it has been delivered so that she keeps checking for it and eventually thinks she's going in sane.' The mail never stood a chance really.  That reminds me-I need to call Publishers Clearing House in case I won $1,000,000.00 and explain that the goats may have eaten my notice.

Anyway, there were a few other factors as well, but we knew it was time to sell the goats. There is a whole 'nother story about this involving a small chinese man and his little green car that he picked the goats up in but I just can't go into it right now.  All you need to know is-I listened to the radio for the rest of that dreadful afternoon and there were no  'crazy goats loose on interstate looking for a hill to play on' reports so I assume they all made it home safe.

We have replaced the goats with 2 baby alpacas! But then, that's a whole 'nother blog entry, isn't it. :)
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