English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England! - Homer Simpson

I have the feeling this will be a topic I cover in more than one blog. There's just so much to discuss!

When contemplating my move to England a lot of friends were 'helpful' (we'll call it that anyway) and said things like 'Well in England at least you'll already know the language.'  Oh how wrong they were!

Accents come and go, and mine is slowly going, but words and phrases tend to stick. When I moved to England I had to learn words/meanings all over again. No joke. And I had to be careful what I said!  If you mention a fanny pack clipped around someone's pants you've offended WAY more people than you ever would have thought possible with such an innocent sentence!

Speaking of English words-when you think of things English people say what's the first word that comes to mind?
Go on-take a minute and think.
If you are thinking 'Bloody' then you should wash your filthy gob out right now! Lets put that one over on the 'Things you never say in front of your English Mother-in-Law' list.
Actually while we're discussing the list lets add 'bugger'. Dictionary.com defines bugger pretty well so if you wanna know what it means look it up, or just take my word for it-it's definately on the 'T Y N S I F O Y E M I L' list.

Say something like 'You can bloody well bugger off to hell.' and you can expect to be struck by lighting almost immediately!

Now, fellow Americans, did your mother or grandmother ever say something to the effect of  'Get your fanny over here.'?  If she did I can promise you she's not from England. Not directly anyway. 
Here it means something to the effect of 'buns, booty, bottom' etc.  In England, however, only women have fanny's.  Now I'll give you a minute to figure out what I mean.

Take your time. Then apply your new knowledge to the phrase 'fanny pack' and you'll understand why, in England, they choose to call it a 'bum bag'.  Everyone has bums... pretty much.

Lets take another perfectly innocent phrase and see how it can land you in hot water.
''You've got a little something on your pants.'
Not risque enough for you? How about 'You've got a little something on your pants, come here I'll get that for you.'
Nope nope nope!
Pants=undies folks! The word you're looking for is TROUSERS! If you can see someone's pants then that means they're at least half naked!
I've gotta wrap this up, but lets apply what you've learned so far.  Here's a sentence or two that's sure to get you kicked out of all family parties!
'Oi you little bugger! Get your bloody fanny over here! You've got something on your pants. I'll get it for you.'
Translation:
Oi you little £$^^%£ Get your ££%     £"£$%%^ over here! You've got something on your underwear. I'm a perv.'




I've gotta go to sleep now folks. But next time we'll discuss phrases that involve such things as 'donkey's years' and 'swinging a cat'.  Don't worry-no animals will be harmed, and no mother in laws will be offended!
g'night ya little buggers!